Fragments, Shadows, Whispers
by goldnheart
Summary: Minakos asks Rei a pointed question as they both try to cope with their new memories of the Shitennou.


I do not own Sailor Moon, only the story below.

* * *

Fragments, Shadows, Whispers

"Rei," Minako toyed with her hair, sitting at Rei's simple black vanity, her eyes on her reflection in the mirror with deliberate nonchalant. "What do you remember about Them?"

I stopped dead, the shirts I'd been choosing between still in my hands. Minako's tone was too calm and breezy to be authentic. I knew, Minako felt things, and showed those feelings, unless she had a reason not to. The fact that the flawless, cheery song and dance Minako used so often could not fully cover the girl's emotions- giving her only a tense calm - unnerved me. So I ignored the implications inherent in "_Them_", and continued to rifle through my drawer.

"Who Minako, I don't know why everyone thinks I know everything. You become a senshi and you forget how to talk out of code. Kami, just because I get visions doesn't mean I have the power to understand that _maze _of a head of yours. You blonds-"

"**Rei**." Her voice was deadly quiet. I finally stopped my absentminded ramble. Anger was my easy response when nervous, easier that being candid. Poor Jadeite had known that all too well. I meet her eyes in the mirror and saw my own face blanche. The way of asking had been so Usagi: the loaded question, the feigned innocence. But when you called Usagi on it, she'd fall to pieces; tears, begging, laughing..._something_. She could never hide herself from her friends. She'd open up.

But Minako's face was cool, her blue eyes sharp with a hint of the gold she showed to adversaries. She had not fallen for my ploy to get her to talk, to just tell me what she wanted to hear. It was a moment when I remembered all too clearly that Minako may have been Usagi's body double, but that the underlying currents in my two friends flowed differently. I had been wrong to use my Usagi tactic on Minako. Usagi has a heart of gold, and it was just as malleable. Minako's is a harder metal, a metal treated by fire and pain and war. Hard, strong, and moved only by great force. With Usagi, her heart was more like gold light, you could move through it with ease. But not Minako, my leader. The hardened beauty. I sighed.

"Bits and pieces, Minako, fragments." Minako smiled so slightly I almost missed it. How Kunzite, I guess sharing a soul can do that to you.

"Like what?" A wistful note in the calm. A sweet lilt in her beautiful voice. I wanted to cry. So I concentrated on the words instead of her.

"Blond hair, blue eyes, a smirk, his real smile, a voice whispering in my ear, _insane_ ego, fury, stupid jokes," I laughed, remembering him trying to woo me with children's jokes when all the flattery, and wit, and even fighting had failed. "I remember the sound of my name, that way only he said it. Our first kiss. Our last. The texture of his uniform, and the warmth when he held me. Little things, Minako. Just moments and sensations, just little things." I repeated, trying to sound unaffected, but I knew she'd see through me. That teariness in my eyes and tha tsoftness in my voice...yes, it would give me away. Give me away like the gold in her eyes had given her away.

"Little, very important things, Rei. Don't down play them. They're valid. They matter." We were both quiet for sometime, lost in memories and the truth of her words.

When the silence broke, it was Minako's voice that broke it.

"Just two thing surprise me Rei." She turned from the mirror to face me. Her eyes were warm and blue again - genuine this time, soft, not trying too hide her emotions- her expression bemused and quizzical.

"Hm?" I gave her the prompt she wanted. I didn't have to be eloquent. She didn't care.

"That you didn't mention love." I looked at her. My face an obvious reflection of my confusion. So, she obliged me. I hated that she had to. I hate feeling this vulnerable, this open. But so did Minako, so I did not begrudge her it. Not too much. This was the time for it. So I quelled my raging and listened. "When you told me what you remembered, you didn't mention love. You mentioned plenty of other sensations, feelings, but love was glaringly missing. Why?"

I was speechless for a moment. She was right. I hadn't mentioned it. But it made sense to me, perfect sense.

"Because it seemed superfluous, it was so obvious. Love is omnipresent when I think of him. I can't recall a moment when it wasn't there, even though I didn't recognize it at first. It was always implied, always known. So much apart of me, of us, that I almost never said it to him. I guess that carried over into this life, in my memories of him."

I finally looked up. I knew I was crying; I could feel it. But it didn't matter. Minako's eyes meet mine. I stepped back a bit, dazzled and disarmed by the radiance of her eyes and smile.

"That was beautiful, Rei. That was beautiful and true. I've spent weeks grappling with why I didn't remember what love felt like. Me. I'm _supposed_ to know; it's supposed to be who I am. To define me. And I could not remember every feeling love. I could not pick out a moment where I went, 'I'm in love', and yet I knew with everything I am that I loved him. So every night since the princess returned our memories, I've tried to guide my dreams, to see that moment when I fell in love, when I knew. But all I see is him."

"But it had always been there, is there now. You've always been in love. Kunzite is what love feels like for you. Like Jade is for me. Oh Minako, you've been killing yourself over this, haven't you, you idiot?" But there was no malice in my voice, just compassion.

"Yeah. I've wanted to be in love so badly, all my life. Like I was not a good enough host for my element because I had not loved. I am an idiot, Rei. An idiot to not see I had always had love with me. Him. The bond still on my soul, on my heart. Always. Since before I even knew him." Her voice was distant, but she knew I understood all the implications. All the men she'd sought love from Ace, Yaten, Alan, the other names I may never know, it had all been a pursuit of what she had had. Already had. Neither of us spoke, but I could feel her frustration, her sorrow, and yet too her joy as if it were my own.

"This is the way it would happen for us." I replied, the irony painful for us both. "It would take you months to realize you've always been in love. You, the senshi of love. And me, the senshi of **strife**. I **would** know it right away. Goddess, we're amazing." We both started laughing. And kept laughing. New tears now, for us both, from a mirth formed in the black humor of our fates.

Slowly, my breathing returned to normal and I moved toward the door for water when I noticed the score was not settled.

"Hey Minako?"

"Yeah, babe, what's up?"

"Didn't you say there were two things that surprised you?" Minako turned back to the mirror humming lightly.

"Did I?"

"Yes you did! Stop playing dumb." I answered before I saw the mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Well, I was just surprised at certain shall we say...gaps, in your memories."

"What are you getting at, Minako?" I asked through narrowed eyes. This had to be a trap.

"Well I remember more than just a kiss here and there. I remember all sorts of more interesting things. Like Kunzite sneaking into my room on the moon after we were both off-duty. What his chest felt like without his uniform. What his skin smelt like. His special tricks," She smiled a wistful smile. "How deep he went when we..."

"MINAKO!" That girl had no shame! 'Stop blushing you idiot!', I lectured myself. 'Poise!'

"Ahhhhh!" She said standing up, "So you DO remember. How was Jade?"

"_Minako._" She had better stop.

"Top or bottom?"

"Minako!" That was the last warning she would get.

"I'm guessing you two were waaaaay kinky. Then again, Kunzite and I had our moments..." That same stupid longing smile. Enough.

"That's it!" I said, flying at her as she dogged me and took flight into the hallway of the shrine.

"You like it rouuuuuugh, right Rei?!" She called over her shoulder as she ran into the courtyard.

"Damn it Minako! Shut up!" I whispered frantically as patrons looked over at us, aghast. I bowed in apology.

"Definitely rough." She ran head first into Usagi coming up the stairs.

"Wha...what's going on? What's this about?" Usagi asked as Minako tried to hide behind her, using her as a shield against me. So much for a bodyguard.

"Just something little, Usagi, just little things." Minako replied smiling at me. I smiled back. But just for a moment. That girl had to pay.

Finis


End file.
